it's not the same

i am not the same person. since i lost my friend. i have loss. i have lost him. i have lost myself. things used to be at least a little clear at least some parts of my life were familiar reliable defined good. now nothing is. except the loss. the feeling of emptiness. hollow confusion. i miss him. so much. it's much for me. at least sometimes. sometimes i feel ok. but never that great. never confident. i can't concentrate. not even on this. anyway, gist is, there is ok break because i can't write this without breaking down breathe breathe separate i can't just break into sobs in the middle of a crowded room... so ok better so the gist is, there is one person, one soul, one mind that i am aching for. one friend who knew me and who i knew. and that friend is gone and there's no changing it and there's no replacing it. that's who i'm thinking of. still sending love out to him. and aching along with anyone who misses anyone and who has lost someone. anyone feeling their way blindly through the pitch black darkness trying to remember who you are and hold on to love and hope.