The Best

I want the best of the best to be had
and a sad state of things would deny it to me
I want to cough and feel good in a long deep breath of being
in now as I am
I miss you
your pleasure that rings in my ears and
takes the fear away and
makes me want to stay here a little bit longer
ok, just a little bit longer
your love is way stronger than reality
it's flirting with gravity and I know
I might fall too far
that might not matter so much unless
I want to fight that war of acceptance, ambition,
Purpose Possibility Potential
But I don't know that I do
I want the best it can be and it
might not be given in realms of the living
still unnatural best is much better than chasing
elusive and singular moments of good
I want that
Perhaps this fantasy Hastens the end with humane compassion and
mixes the pain of confusion with blinding ecstasy
and the illusion you're free
I would like to be free of the need
to decide and to try and try
so hard so constantly
for rewards so far from fulfilling
And starkly unmatched to the effort of willing
Can I please just let go of it all and fall?
Can that be ok?