alone

alone
so alone
it's just a feeling
i'll take a loan on better days
how many times
have i been here before
...

that's all i can remember of that song.

I feel horrible right now. If I'm going to be honest. That's how I feel.
Horrible.
Alone.
Confused.
Pretend pretend.
I just don't know if I care enough. Nothing is what it seems.
I want to be good. but I can't.
I don't even have a claim to you anymore. So many people loved you. Not just me. I love you a lot. Not enough. The most? Did you like my love the most? It doesn't matter. Fact is, here I am. Alone. I'm just me. I'm nothing. Nothing is ok. I guess.

I just don't really care. Honestly. I want to just blow up and out and down and cry and truly show how I feel but I can't. I have to pretend. I don't know if I can live here. It's an act. It's a decision. Do I really have to make that decision. I want to stay other. Like mr. I want to be with him. and even that is unreliable. The best I could get isn't enough. Nothing is enough. Somebody help me... love help me find my way back to you... I want to love. I want to be good.

if you cry i'll throw my arms around you and my tears will mingle with yours
and i'll contain your shaking and hold you until the calm comes
close your eyes
when you wake it will be better
it will be better
just listen
to my voice
hmmmm
i
love
you