See?

yeah I can't even go there... I look at your smile in the pictures in my head and I - damn - you know there's nothing I can say right now. I can't articulate it... and it doesn't matter. It's just how many times can you say you miss someone so much, how many times can you just want and pray and plead that things are different than what they are... It's silly.

All I know is that love in the entire wholistic sense of the world... the most broadest and all encompassing definition... love is worth life.

I just love my friend Joe. And hey... I'm glad that this is my life if only because of the craziness and calamity and sorrow.. and of course wonder and spontaneity and love... I'm just glad that I had such an amazing person in my life. It sucks that he's not here now. I can't toss all these thoughts and stuff around in my head right now... I just feel a very powerful love for all the basic true soul centered honest lovely people that are forgiving and compassionate and willing to love. And that's Joe.

Whatever... right now every word that comes out seems so lame and lacking... weak. So I will just go out into the rainy coolness and feel what I feel and look up into the sky and focus on the beauty and love that I still feel and that I feel I will have for my whole existence forever for the rest of my life... and that's what is beautiful. I feel him close to me all the time because of that... because this is me in my life.

wierd.

making sense is not coming so easily right now...

time to go home.

I love.

"Tenderness comse from pain" - Sade