There is no need

to explain

There is no need

to explain

There is no need

for anything precious or common

There is no need

to postpone

or rush

I need to choose

I love the sky at night.

Wow

I"M SORRY EVERYONE

I'M FUCKING IMPATIENT

somebody

please be out there'

please convince me that it will be right
it's good

it's right to end my life.

it's ok.

is it ok that I wish not to see the beginning of a new year?

that I want to see one person, one soul

that I want to fly

please be ok.

I might be crazy, but i don't care

And I won't tell you

for fear that you'll think me crazy

not that it matters


cmon you all fuckin wish you could end your lives

and you don't

and you're hankering to see the person who's
willing to pull the trigger
or jump

I'm going to name the child I have in my next life
ladder
chair
skydive
pooponyourface
joyeatspuke
joysmellslikevaginaanushole
deathissweet
fuckyou

See?

yeah I can't even go there... I look at your smile in the pictures in my head and I - damn - you know there's nothing I can say right now. I can't articulate it... and it doesn't matter. It's just how many times can you say you miss someone so much, how many times can you just want and pray and plead that things are different than what they are... It's silly.

All I know is that love in the entire wholistic sense of the world... the most broadest and all encompassing definition... love is worth life.

I just love my friend Joe. And hey... I'm glad that this is my life if only because of the craziness and calamity and sorrow.. and of course wonder and spontaneity and love... I'm just glad that I had such an amazing person in my life. It sucks that he's not here now. I can't toss all these thoughts and stuff around in my head right now... I just feel a very powerful love for all the basic true soul centered honest lovely people that are forgiving and compassionate and willing to love. And that's Joe.

Whatever... right now every word that comes out seems so lame and lacking... weak. So I will just go out into the rainy coolness and feel what I feel and look up into the sky and focus on the beauty and love that I still feel and that I feel I will have for my whole existence forever for the rest of my life... and that's what is beautiful. I feel him close to me all the time because of that... because this is me in my life.

wierd.

making sense is not coming so easily right now...

time to go home.

I love.

"Tenderness comse from pain" - Sade

ignorance

Here's a question.

why is global warming causing freezing record-low temperatures?

we should call it global warming and colding.

actually there is a scientific factual reason behind this - I know - climate change was one of my GE classes... but who cares about science? It's not all that relevant to me in my vehicle-less - foraging for crumbs - either the mean or the cute guy gets the worm - disorganized - do you love me? - do I love you? - paycheck to paycheck crazy world. And my reality is only based on what is relevent to me. Like, lookee here - my mom is cold all you global warming peeps. get it together. for reals! I'm tired of this piddling around accumulating soda cans in our backyard, speed showering, waterless toothbrushing, no running through the sprinkler, no shaving cream or refrigerators or laminated name tags crap. I don't see any kind of positive turnaround trend... Why don't you think up some kind of global central air system? it's not that hard. just do it the same as in a house, but in the whole world.

ah but no one listens to little old me anyway.

you know it's freezing cold all up and down the coast... probably across the nation. So we can all pretend it's bringing us together if you want. Kinda like the holocaust brought people together. See? There is a happy face on one side of every coin. The face might be sort of mockingly smiling at you,, or smirk-smiling but hey - he's smiling. ("By the way why are there no American coins with a woman on it? are there no coin-worthy women in our history?? c'mon! I know there are no women presidents yet, but maybe we need to broaden the pool to include just generally cool people. My new goal is to kick Abe off the penny").

It's sad - even when Bush made us all start warring and stuff I still had to go work and make money. No prison camps or gas chambers for me... no desperate and profound clarification of the meaning of life. It's not fair. I might as well settle further into the soft bubble of ignorance, capture insignificant fleeting moments on my iphone and wait until I die from hyperstimulation.

Happy Monday everybody.