the pain, the love, the light

i'm going to get back to the bravery

i am not afraid to feel i guess. it's easier not to, but it denies the beauty and all the glorious mysteries that for some reason I know, I am convinced make up the "big picture". There is a big picture. And it's bigger then myself. It's such a crushing and bittersweet release to humble myself... to lessen the importance of me in my world feeling ok and getting somewhere, to acknowledge my insignificance and my ignorance.

so then what do I believe in?

I watch me go left and right, pacing the hours away, lost in my own fight, trying to make sense of things and redeem the night, and it's too busy to hear the music in the air, too loud to receive whats already there, and i move faster and try harder
and then you pin me down to prove there is a truth

it's in the stillness

like when you can't see the stars because
you're afraid to turn off the flashlight and
be alone in the dark

but really they have more light to give
than what i get from the push of a button

always shining even when i can't see


ohhhh gratitude... that's all.