Sometimes you have to let everything fall apart...

A song called Trim by Underworld

He-he-heat in your skin pull up a chair and unwind
Dog we don't share the taxi left us behind
Silhouette of a psychic reader in the market
And the straw wrapped around a bottle to take home

Barbecue chicken oil in a drum double strong wrong
Here comes the horn you call for
Woman in a box with her head in her box
Speaks French when spoken like a tourist French

Hey classic Coca-Cola in a can
When you wanna cool down

Heat she move up the street in waves
Sugar sugar clear your mind leave it all behind
Get in the boat and float join in on a high spot
And ride ride put on some smile stay for awhile



I think the poetry of Underworld is fascinating. Imagery and pretty sounding combinations of words... painting portraits of moments... taking ordinary things and noticing and putting them to words, people in the supermarket and broken fences and stuff. I see so many things that are poetic... tragic and joyful and life-full... the homeless woman collapsed in front of the Metro escalator, unresponsive and leaking, the sun turning the buildings into mirrors, augmenting the city, framing it in such a manageable way, the young man that lifts my spirits with a song on the accordion as I ride exhausted to home, feeling lost and somehow finding myself just a little in the notes, the little black boy not yet required to be self-aware doing michael jackson moves as he follows his father down he sidewalk, the shirtless and most likely insane but blissful man wading through the fountain, the obviously sad wife who seems so full of pain as her wealthy lawyer husband passes me a tip, the sight of my own scars and trying to find my way out of that horrible alone feeling...

anyway, i think it's amazing that they are so much more than an electronic band or guys that know how to use computers... they do something powerful with their music.

I want to do something powerful. I feel some kind of pressure to be working off Joe's Karma. like the only way I can keep loving him or make up for not loving him right before is by loving myself and keeping on to try and work and blah blah blah. But I know its a lot more than that. I think sometimes things still get to me that's all. And I wish I was little again and could talk to my mom and believe she could help me. and I wish I could talk to him. and I want to somehow share or be with his family and stuff and I cant and it's frustrating. I just have to keep on. Sleep will help I'm sure.

I must say it thrills me to see the sunrise every once and a while. And I long to share love with everyone. It's ok that I don't know exactly how. I believe in love and maybe that's enough for now. It make seem like everything else is going to pieces, but sometimes you just have to let everything fall apart.

setting things straight at two thirghty-eight

ok i have six minutes to get it out
six

really bottom line
I have nothing to fear

It comes back to me
and decisions

but maybe you all don't see the same things
as me

that makes it a little more lonely
but

sucky sucky sup
i can go it alone too

not like i haven't before
there's always the tried and true
like you
and if anyone cares to do right
they do
far and few for sure
but there they are
and then we all pass it on to the next soul in need

but fuck
might as well just figure this out alone
anybody else just seems to eventually
um
clash
rrrrrrrrr
crash
rrrrrrrrrrrr
frictify
i don't know.

sad i guess...



but, I accept. i guess that's fine
what I expected really.

night folks

athena's demise incorporated

well

im tired of tossing and turning

chapter, oh no... epilogue

Damn it's been a while since I've seen the colbert report. =( This is sad. I have to say, he picked a fucking awesome ben and jerry's ice cream flava flave to put his name on.

I have a shit load to get done this week, a lot of things to be well rested for, and a lot of hours to catch up on... but shits on my mind. kinda sucks. and maybe I just wish I was at home. I gotta stay me.

even if no one the fuck really understands.

I'll play something good. At least i'm good for that.

peace

you are my menstrual cramps said the lion

this lady
i know visits her worst fears
fosters her sad tears
indulges her Self in base moods and emotions
longing to be free but feeling
entitled to sympathy and exempt from responsibility
and get this, she's angry at me
that I can't fix anything
which comes around to
give me
a pain in the ass
like heart burn from feeding my face with grease
she is my menstrual cramps

You Menstrual Cramp! You bloody cub killer
How dare you threaten the integrity,
the purity of my love and my family?
The carnal frame of me LONGS
to defend my pride with
PHYSICALITY!!!!
To give credence to the power i feel
to illustrate my banal feeling with violence.
If I were the lion I would do more
than parade around and
make a show of my superiority
I would deep-sink my teeth in after
SCREAGASMING my vengeful vitality
so that the whole desert and God himself can hear my passion
My outrageous offender
you will not eat in my territory
you will not threaten my future
I defeat, I win long before you retreat
for your every act is rooted in fear.

I am not a lion.
I am a soul all wrapped up and in demo launch
testing all the circuits of this weird body i'm wearing.
Neither am I a stuck in the mud wilder-beast
succumbing to the hackling hyenas
that rip ruby-dripping mouthfuls of my flesh,
eating me alive as I slowly
surrender my life and accept defeat.
I am a mind and a soul possessing unbelievable power not yet realized.
It is this power, this strength of mind and will to love,
to choose only good thoughts
that will win
that will love you
even when you hurt me
and so change your damage - your negativity and inconsiderate
self-minded thrashing
into good.