dreams

Natalie awoke to a half-lit overcast dawn sky and the sound of her boyfriend, Will, coming to bed. She opened her eyes wider and coughed, "what time is it?", she asked. "oh, um, six o'clock". He said it as if he was reluctant to tell her the truth. She let a puff of air out in a sort of incredulous or sardonic laugh and turned back over. As he lay his head next to her she could smell alcohol in his sweat and his breath. She could tell he was tired. She tried to put her finger on why she felt annoyed, but couldn't figure it out and, realizing that she missed him and longed to feel him hold her close, she reached over and took his arm, pulling it around her. As she faded back into the realm of dreams she half-debated with herself that she may as well get up if its six already, get an early start on the day... The impulse was all too easy to ignore.

Suddenly she was in her childhood home. Her siblings were there, her father was making something in the kitchen. Vaguely aware that she was dreaming she thought, this is odd, we are here as if it were 15 years ago, but still our old ages of the present. Mom and dad are 60, dad vibrant and youthful, mom staggering with every painful arthritic step. - But something was different. She looked closer at her mother to see a protruding belly that could only represent a pregnancy. Her mother doubled over in pain. "It's coming," she said, "I need to lie down". Oh my God, mom's in labor. at 60 years old?. Without even a blink of the eye or any kind of recognition of her pain or condition, Natalie's father continued on with his meal while she escorted her mother to the bedroom to lie down. As her mother growned in pain she heard her father put on some rock n' roll and turn the volume up. "Jesus, everyone in the neighborhood could hear that. Doesn't he care that mom needs help?".

She tried massaging her mom's back to no avail. She ran a bath for her hoping the warm water would relax her muscles. This is ridiculous. Why am I dreaming this? She finally went into the kitchen to confront her father about his callousness. Her plea was met only with disdain, and when she pushed harder, incredulous that he appeared to enjoy her pain she got a sharp slap in the face. He now thought of her as being on the enemy side. She knew she would have to help her mother alone. It did nothing but increase her anger, and she stared filled with contempt towards him, before walking out of the room. Her mom was doing no better, convinced now that she needed to get to a hospital quick. Natalie somehow knew that she would deliver a dead baby. Frustrated at her helplessness to make anything work or fix anything she looked up at the ceiling, feeling the acute pain and nothingness of being completely alone. And then, she woke up.

It was lighter outside. What time is it now? The boys are still passed out. I'm going to get up. She walked into the kitchen. Her mind still on her dream she half-heartedly started throwing away the beer cans that littered the counters. The majority of them had been barely touched. She saved those ones, putting them in the fridge for later as she wondered at the forgetfulness of the guys. "Why would they forget about the beer they were drinking and just open up a new one..." she murmured to herself. "ridiculous". She made some coffee and pulled the ice cream out of the freezer, thinking about her dream while she ate a few bites. Geez. Talk about disturbing. I really do have a hard time forgiving my father. The way he treated mom makes me feel worthless somehow. Maybe I will go back to bed. It's only noon. I've got time.