ideal suicide, the

shelley asked where the household axe was, only to be told there wasn't one. "fine", she said, "where the fuck is the carving knife?". She already knew where it was.

in the kitchen. She without thinking chopped off her left hand at the mid wrist. Bleeding profusely she walked outside to the outdoor patio towards the back alley, stopping to hoist herself up and in to one of the four dumpsters surrounding her. Pausing to take in the smell of rotting food, piss, and car exhaust, she looked up to the sky and listened for a while, taking in the sound of distant sirens, the crying child at the far end of the apartment complex, and the homeless man in the alley spouting hatred and angst at himself and the silence that was his only confidante. Somewhat conscious of the fact that her last thought would be that she sympathized with that old rancid man, and that he was the only one that perhaps knew how she felt, she eased herself into the bulging garbage bags, took her truncated left appendage, still dripping blood, and, slightly light-headed, scooped up an ant that was crawling up her leg. She then focused on the carving knife still in her right hand, admiring how the blade reflected the moonlight. "wow, moon's almost full", she thought. She then without a sound or hesitance place he edge of the knife against her throat, pressed deep into the skin, and pulled it swiftly across her neck, severing her carotid artery. As she felt life oozing out of her in strong meaty pulses in sync with the slowing rhythm of her heart, she focused on the ant, still crawling up her left arm and the ranting of the lost soul in the alley way; and contemplated how she left part of herself behind, her left wrist and hand, in the apartment. "I guess it's a sort of apology", she thought. "haha, I hope they get it, but, knowing me, i mean knowing them they probably wont. life is funny, funny like a joke, or just funny like wierd, but either way, mine is over. finally. goodbye world. goodbye ant on my arm. goodbye moon. goodbye garbage. goodbye blood. goodbye struggle...goodbye...good..." as she lost consciousness, she welcomed the nothingness, the abyss, the letting go, and then, it was over.

They wouldn't find her until garbage day.