Fictio

Why was I made this way?

Michelle looked at the reflection of herself from every possible angle, simultaneously constructing hypotheses and analyzing them from every angle. Any way she looked at it, things felt off somehow. Awkward. Wrong maybe? Perhaps arbitrary, fact is there she was in a somewhere and sometime, trying to figure out what kind of somebody she should be.

"It's a mystery", she thought with resignation and a shrug of her strong, almost masculine shoulders, and with that she turned away from the mirror and began to remove her clothes. When she was completely naked she sat down in the middle of the floor, hugging her knees and pondering the next burdensome question that had overshadowed her thoughts. "Am I ok? Is it ok to be me, this way?", she thought gently rocking back and forth. "It's obvious to me that there's a million things wrong with me, and there are so many people that probably wish I was perfecter in a lot of aspects, and I always try so hard to figure out what those aspects are and be what they want - cus that would be the best way to love them right? give them what they need.. or want? I guess I all the trying has turned out so many versions of me Michelle 1.0,1.3,2.3,and Michelle 7.0, that I really have no clue whats at the core of me. I mean what function am I supposed to perform? I mean what type of computer program am I? And what if it's lame? Ewwwww... scary...".

Michelle shut her eyes shut tight, as hard as she could, trying to imagine that she was invisible, or somehow undefined, existing only as the questions in her head and her passion for coloring rocks. Or the way she liked to capture all the littlest pretty things like a pretty blue piece of glass or a leaf in the shape of a heart, or the luminous fairy backside of a mother of pearl, and tuck it in her pocket to take it along like a little friend come to keep her company through the day. It always happened that somewhere later on down the line she would come across such a find, and spend some time thinking about why that wilted bendy leaf had been so dear to her, but it didn't matter because it still reminded her of love. "It's like getting a surprise present from yourself that you didn't even know about!", she said. Then she opened her eyes and immediately ten questions popped into her head:
xxxxxx

Man things are easier when you close your eyes and turn yourself into an idea...






RANDOM POETRY LOST AND FOUND
draft one: 1/?/10 draft two: 10/22

Nobody can hide from you
That one you know you are
Nobody can steal away your sway
or take the way you walk
so swagger like you when you can't break
through the face of time
As doubts arise and double vision blurs the line
Stand by you put your tag on
the molecules and let life follow
you to become you invented by
awake and refined by make
and no one can take it from you.

4/30
Like a
grassy covered
empty lot
in a crowded city
graffiti colors offsetting
the natural

a deep breath
and let the next
moment
pass