the friend who's not afraid to hurt me

i remember this...

i'm walking towards the water

thinking to myself and trying to find

my hope and my reasons and

this girl walks up to me and says

oh you poor thing

here this might make you feel better

you should feel better

you shouldn't have to be without something

she pulls out anything she can think of

and shoves it in my face until i scream at her to stop

but she doesn't and instead she says

there's not enough time and too much, you need more to fill you up

or else you might just explode!

and continues her frantic game until I'm pinned to the

ground by the weight of too much and not enough

well I keep walking feeling heavier and

disappointed, and a little scared that I might never

recover and then I'll never be able to fly away

from this loud and violent malay...

and then this girl walks up to me and says

my god you are such a mess

you're ugly

I hate you

and pulls out a razor blade and slices me out of the

background, and she looks at me alone in the void

limp and disassociated

dripping strange hues of pain(t)

and smiles

it's ok

now we can be friends

and i look around and realize

she's right

here i am torn out of the canvas

and all the colors are a little brighter

all my fears a little clearer

all the troubles a little lighter

I don't know how long i'll last

outside the painting of my past

but at least i know i'm real

and different than all those souls

fiending for oblivion

stealing attention

and i know

i can think this through

again

not yet knowing what is always right to do

but right now

i have a friend willing to wake me up

however it needs to be done

and everybody's different

sometimes different is solitary

sometimes wild and red

and back and forth

and delinquent

weak and underacheiving

and sometimes it is an unstoppable genius

and sometimes it is misunderstood

and controversial

and all the time

it is new and beautiful and true